Is it Kind, True and Necessary?
Posted on 06/01/2010 by Yvonne McCarthy / 2 Comments / Leave a Comment »
There’s been much discussion of late about the rules of weight loss surgery. Sometimes it is difficult to decide just how compliant you should be when the rules seem to be constantly changing or being challenged by seasoned post-ops or even professionals. We are involved in a field still in it’s infancy so research is in short supply and most often comes from the internet where you can find a dozen different answers to the same question. After spending nine years participating on forums and attending events I have had to make decisions on which information I consider valid. My first indication of the validity of what someone is offering is whether they are walking or working a successful journey. My first few years attending talks included a person I will not name that preached hard at us on how not to regain but each time I saw this person they had nearly doubled in size. I do not judge this person’s regain but their information on how to prevent regain had to be questioned in my mind. It serves no good purpose for me to find fault in this person’s regain or information…I merely moved on to someone that was walking the walk and talking the talk.
Online we have a large population of very vulnerable post-ops that may have spent much of their lives feeling “less than”. Sometimes they are pulled like sheep into following others that have given them attention and when a mob mentality starts the followers often pile on too because it makes them feel like they are part of something bigger than themselves….much like gangs pull in young men and women because they provide them with a perceived family. So how do you decide if you are being a good sheep or a misled sheep? Perhaps you ask yourself if anything that is being said would be something you would allow someone to say to you. As I have talked and written about many times I have three rules before I post.
1. Is it kind?
2. Is it true? (really true, not something you heard, don’t even believe a picture because I can fake the best of them)
3. Is it absolutely necessary?
Assuming can get you in trouble too. Just because I carry on a dialogue with someone on a forum or Face Book don’t assume that I approve of this person’s every word. Guilty by association is not fair. Judge me (if you must) by my written or spoken word. I would really prefer you not judge me at all and redirect your energy to a place that will be beneficial instead.
Sheep groups that push shame/blame/judgment/guilt will suck the life out of us and those emotions are not conducive to a successful journey. When you see the occasional bully mosh pit, step away from the drama. No matter the actions of the attacked we only lower our standards by wallowing in the mud and I will repeat for the dozenth time that I spent 30 years in the mud while being obese and I don’t wish return.
Also know that we are rarely upset for the reason we think. I have these words recorded by someone but I’m not quite sure who it was but I will share this.
Rarely are we upset for the reason we think. Upon deeper examination, you will find that it is a recreation of an earlier pain, played out over and over in changing scenery with different people until you resolve it. It may be a reenactment of a childhood drama in which you were accused of things you didn’t do. Pain, anger, or resentment you feel almost always comes from a similar childhood experience. You recreate the pain so that you can move beyond it. Next time you feel angry at someone, stop. Close your eyes and go within. See that you have had similar experiences before. Realize that you are reliving some childhood decision and that now is an opportunity to end this pattern in your life and come from your deepest truth. Realize other people are only drawn to play out certain roles with you to help you evolve. Let go of any anger or blame you have towards them.
If this doesn’t speak to you then just realize “pain is only triggered by another person when there is already pain within you”.
Who’s WLS rules are the best? The ones that work for you. If your journey is not going where you want it to go then I would suggest a change. You are like a radio that can receive many stations. What you receive depends on what you pay attention to. Also remember compassion is the ability to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Do not make the other person wrong and as you grow it is important to develop wisdom, release pain and rise above negativity.
Hang with the winners.
Fly with the eagles.
Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
Show others the respect you wish for yourself.
Be kind to each other…life is so very short…
Words hurt so think before you give them immortality on this thing we call the internet because once it’s out there you can’t take it back.
Love and light,
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Who is Bariatric Girl?
Musician, Artist, Photographer,computer geek and weight loss surgery aficionado. On March 30th, 2001, I had weight loss surgery weighing in at 260 pounds. Since that day I have lost and maintained a 130 pound loss. Yoga and walking my dog were the only exercise I was getting until I started with an instructor and creator of "Body Juggling". Click on the picture on the bottom of this page and it will take you to the site. Read More »
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2 Comments on “Is it Kind, True and Necessary?”
Sometimes I feel like a “sheep” . Not wanting to follow another
s path but also not knowing which direction I need to be going. I go along almost to the moment of no return and than get mad at myself for not being “me”. I used to be “me” long before the weight gain and the self doubt. I will be me again, 91lbs gone and some more to go has helped but I am still digging my way back to the surface Your words came to be through Pandora Williams , whose is a recent FB friend. Thank you for them. I am inspired.
Jean I so very much understand not being “me”. I fought so hard to get out of the prison of my obese body and finally got so sick and tired that I decided on weight loss surgery 15 minutes after hearing Carnie Wilson talk about it on TV. When I got out of that prison it was like going from a horse and buggy to a fast race car and I didn’t have any idea how to drive it. You know what I see as a plus in your comment? You can remember being yourself before weight gain! That’s something to be truly grateful for. You’ll get there. You will remember how to drive the race car. Be as kind and patient with yourself as you would be with one of your children or loved ones. We all want to be liked and that’s one of the most debilitating parts of our disease. I have another post called “What others think about us is none of our business“. It might help with the sheep issues.
Pandora is a shining light and gives so much love and support. I’m grateful you found her and you commented. You might want to kick around my blog and check out some other posts. Don’t be too hard on yourself…you’ve lost 91 pounds!!!! You’ll get there. Enjoy the journey and smell the roses and learn some life lessons along the way so that you’ll be even better educated when you head down that road to a better place.