Can I be reincarnated as my dog?
Posted on 01/31/2011 by Yvonne McCarthy / No Comments / Leave a Comment »
When I was obese I wanted to lose weight because of how I perceived I was being treated. The pain was immense and I didn’t want to lose weight so much to be happy but to stop the painful existence I lived for thirty years. Just like losing weight doesn’t make you magicially happy it also doesn’t change the perception that some people have of you. There will always be someone standing in line to complain about you over something. Always….
The girl in this picture was smiling for the camera but I was thinking I don’t want to be there, I don’t want to be in the picture. I am on crutches because I have two ruptured discs and my weight was killing me. I just wanted the outside to match the inside. Yeah, that’s the ticket. Then everything will be alright.
Three years ago I attended an Obesity Help event and a woman came up to me and said she needed to apologize. Because I had just met her I couldn’t imagine why but she told me that she “assumed” things about me because of my picture. She continued to say that she could not have been more wrong. When I told her how much it hurts to be misunderstood she said “Well I’d rather be misunderstood as a thin person than a fat person”. For the next thirty minutes I tried to explain that pain is pain whether you are obese or thin.
My whole life was spent trying to win the approval of my father and people around me. I was running a race I couldn’t finish. It was debilitating and impossible. Nothing can be done about people that wish harm to me. I can’t change them so I wish them no harm and I mostly want to get out of their way.
My heart gets me in trouble. I want everyone to get along. Just call me Rodney. I want to agree to disagree and leave it at that. So much energy….wasted energy…. on too much negativity. If I choose to concentrate on the tragic parts of my life they will get too big and I will crumble…. so every day I push those parts down and start over. If today I am hit by a bus I don’t want to go out knowing I spent a moment without living for the beautiful parts of life. My family, my friends, my furry children that loved me fat or thin… I am never on guard with them watching every action and word I speak because they love me just like I am. I have a great deal of work to do on myself because I am still plagued with the stinkin’ thinkin’ monster that tells me every day that I am unworthy and unloved.
When Sundance sits in my lap and looks up at me with those eyes…so innocent…he doesn’t have to worry about anything except eating, walking, pooping, peeing and being loved. He makes me feel worthy and loved.
Now…how can I be reincarnated as my own dog?
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Who is Bariatric Girl?
Musician, Artist, Photographer,computer geek and weight loss surgery aficionado. On March 30th, 2001, I had weight loss surgery weighing in at 260 pounds. Since that day I have lost and maintained a 130 pound loss. Yoga and walking my dog were the only exercise I was getting until I started with an instructor and creator of "Body Juggling". Click on the picture on the bottom of this page and it will take you to the site. Read More »